Keeping Old School Values, With New-School Staff:
Tips to help you connect with your people
Here’s the truth…I’m a thirty-seven-year-old senior citizen. Cliché? Maybe. But, on a regular basis I find myself using the phrase “back in the old days.” Yes, I’m in my thirties but my body and mind are that of a 90-year-old woman. I pee my pants every time I giggle so I feel like I’ve earned the right to act like a crotchety old hag.
What does any of this have to do with the subject title? Hang tight, I’ll get there.
I am a second-generation Sicilian American. I was raised with a generational mindset: work hard, don’t blame others for your problems, and mind your own business. If you’re Jewish, Mexican, Asian, Greek, Polish, or Irish, you know exactly what I’m talking about. No matter your background, if you grew up with these guidelines, you understand what it means to be “old school.”
What is “old school?”
Let me paint a picture for you. When I was in the 4th grade, I had a teacher named Madam Ford. That was her actual name. I’m not changing it for this story because she was a complete turd, and I hope she reads this one day and feels bad. I digress. Madam Ford blatantly picked on me. I was an impressionable 10-year-old, so it really hurt my feelings that my beloved teacher didn’t like me. I spent a great deal of time trying to impress her, but to no avail, her treatment of me didn’t change. For months I kept these feelings to myself. I wasn’t about to complain to my Mom and prompt the question, “what did you do to piss her off?”
You see, my Mom wasn’t like the Moms we see now. When I told her about situations that I perceived to be unjust, she didn’t call the school, berate my coach, or tell me to “use my words.”. She’d remind me to stand up for myself (even if that meant kicking the crap out of someone who was bullying me) and to stop being so sensitive and get over shit.
After a few months I didn’t want to go to school anymore. I felt victimized every time I stepped into the classroom so eventually, I told my Mom how I was feeling. This was her response.
My Mother: “Is Madam Ford teaching you?”
Confused by her question, I said “What?” … “Yea, I guess.”
My Mom paused, then said “Nicole, who gives a shit if she likes you or not. I’m not paying her to be your friend, I’m paying her to teach you. For the rest of your life, you’re going to encounter people who don’t like you and some of them are assholes. You can’t change them, and their behavior isn’t your problem. Go to school, learn what she’s teaching you, and stop letting her make you bad.”
Most would view my mother’s response as ‘mean’, but it was exactly what I needed to hear. From that moment on, I never let people victimize me with their behavior.
This situation is an example of how different I was raised and why it’s incredibly hard to connect with my younger staff. I was expected to always show up (even if my leg was falling off) and my work ethic is more valuable than anything else. I was expected to do what I was told and to take advantage of every opportunity that came my way. There was a seven-month period in my early 20’s when I didn’t get a day off from work. Not one single day. I wanted to move into a nicer apartment, and I needed extra money. I volunteered for every birthday party on the weekends and took every opportunity to sub classes for my co-workers.
When you grow up like this, it becomes impossible to understand why a young employee would turn down private lessons at $50 per hour. It’s impossible to understand why I can’t find staff to run birthday parties or why coaches don’t want to help sub classes. I’ve spent so much time being frustrated instead of learning how to fix this.
Just like my Mom said, you can’t change them, they are who they are. But what I can do is learn how to work with them by finding the things they do well, instead of expecting them to be something they’re not.
Last year, I had an employee ask for a raise, but she wasn’t willing to work an extra day or take on any more private lessons. I explained to her that 1 private lesson per week (at $50 per hour) was the equivalent of adding 3 hours of coaching to her schedule. She explained that she wasn’t willing to give up her Sundays, because that was her “Self Help” day.
After having an internal scream fest, I decided I was done being frustrated, and it was time for me to learn how to manage my people. These deep-rooted differences were creating a divide between me and my coaches and I didn’t want to resent them anymore. So, I rolled my sleeves up, let go of my ego, and openly listened to my staff about their needs. A huge part of me wasn’t willing to give in to a new way of doing things because I didn’t want to change the things that have made me successful.
My mission was to figure out a way to adhere to my own values, while providing a healthy environment for my young staff. I interviewed 20 staff members between the ages of 17 and 24. When asking them what they would like to see in their workspace, they all almost unanimously agreed on these five areas:
- FUN! They want to have fun at work and to be surrounded by friends. Gym challenges, theme weeks, current music playing in the gym and games. Side note, I am not the ‘fun’ coach, so I found this particular area difficult. I assigned our younger staff the task of creating theme weeks to keep it fresh and creative. This has boosted creativity across the gym. To help with the fun vibes in the gym, I created several appropriate playlists of current songs on Spotify and added it to the gym iPad. Warning, if the song says ‘edited’ it means they still play words like dick, ass, booty, and grind. I learned that the hard way.
- OPEN COMMUNICATION. Having their voices heard goes a long way. They want to be a part of the decision-making process and feel involved with the structure. To be honest, this was the hardest for me to change because my mentality was “you’re 17 years old and have no life experience, I don’t want to listen to what you think.” I felt this way until my husband made a comment saying, “just because you’ve been doing it longer, doesn’t mean you’re doing it better”. Ouch, that’s a punch to the gut, but it’s true. By hosting roundtable discussions, I get to hear what the coaches think and encourage them to come up with solutions. Sometimes they come up with great stuff, and sometimes the answer is “hell no.” Either way, asking them what they think teaches me about what they need, and helps them take ownership in our program.
- RECOGNITION FOR ACCOMPLISHMENTS. It’s not what you think. It’s not a high-five, and it’s not money. They want (need) notoriety. When I grew up people put bumper stickers on their car that said “Student of the Month ”…social media is just a virtual version of that. Try using social media platforms to brag about your tribe. Yes, the ‘like’ button means a lot. As club owners, we’re really good about posting pics of our little cuties and our team champions, but when was the last time you posted about how great your staff is? Food for thought.
- EDUCATION. Yes, they actually WANT to learn. When I was their age, I thought I knew it all and I never would have added this to a list of things I needed. Thank goodness they aren’t like me and are open to external guidance. Coaching Clinics, State and Regional congress are ways for them to access high level coaches, and to get some new ideas. Don’t forget the YouTube, baby. If you don’t have time/money to host extra events in the gym, put together a list of great videos for them to watch. This will ensure you’re sending them content that you approve for your club, and it’s free.
- FLEXIBILITY. This generation doesn’t value money, they value their time. You must get over the fact that they’re never going to be the people who willingly work 7 days a week. Do yourself and them a favor and set aside time in their schedule for “Personal Freedom” days. Is this a corny tagline for a “day off?” Yes, but giving it a name and physically putting it on their work calendar, makes them feel like you value their personal time and you’re being flexible. Perception is everything.
Going into this, I thought my staff would act entitled and make a list of ridiculous demands. That was the exact opposite of what happened. This made me realize that I hire really good people, who have really good hearts. They want to help, they want to be seen as an asset, and they want me to invest in their growth.
The changes we’ve made in our gym are small efforts to bridge the generational gap. My staff notice these efforts and they’re thankful for my willingness to learn. This process has also helped THEM better understand ME…which in turn has helped keep some of my old-school traditions alive. In the spirit of equality, I made them a list of things I need from them.
- Be on time.
- Speak up.
- Be honest.
- Work your ass off.
- Be good to our athletes.
I don’t have this all figured out, and I’m not sure I ever will. I’ve learned how to accept the fact that I am never going to fully understand them, as I’m sure my grandparents don’t understand some of the things I’ve done. My staff still drives me nuts, but they’ve taught me a great deal also. I’ve learned to schedule “Personal Freedom” days for myself, and the small things (like playing good music) can completely change the energy of the room. When it comes down to it, our basic needs as humans are not so different. They might need a silly shoutout on Instagram, but I need a hug sometimes and that’s pretty much the same thing.
Open your mind, ask questions, and be willing to change a few things. No one is asking you to change into a sensitive “snowflake”, but it’s always good to remind yourself that “snowflakes” are beautiful and have a purpose too.
Hugs,
Nicole A. Elves
President, AGA Northwest
